If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
