So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't turn off my feet"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
