I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
