I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
