No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
