He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
