New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
