The best revenge is premature balding
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
