Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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