Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
