ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
