ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
