well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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