If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
