"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
