I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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