I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize