Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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