ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize