i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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