so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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