Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
