We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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