So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ttyl tear gas
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
