Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
