Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
