Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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