Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
