Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
