He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
