my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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