Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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