i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
