last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
