No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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