Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
