is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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