What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize