did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why do cheetos always look like penises
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i think im in europe. pls send help
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
