Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize