I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
