What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
