i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize