Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
