Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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