I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
