wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
