So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
honey bunches of taint.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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