I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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