You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize