your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
