and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
