Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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