what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
