Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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