Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
