Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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