when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
