I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
