she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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