I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
