if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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