My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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